He said, “I like her and would like to get to know her better but her consistent Spider-Man behavior would get us both killed in my country.” No one is above the line of being a better person and so my voluntary six months began courtesy of my Russian friends that I love much. Six months later after intense Russian Counseling (Russian psychiatrist and psychologist are the best) for Behavior Modification I found out WHY been doing the Spider-Man thing. Seems that GUILT plays a major role in our life. Regardless if we admit at the time we feel guilty or keep it hidden suppressed or keep the guilt feelings in our subconscious guess what ….. guilt will always play a role in our life. Therefore, we acknowledge the guilt and deal with it so that it does not affect our life.
Behavior Modification can be for just about anything. Maybe you curse too much to feel superior and not scared or keep people away. Maybe you continually pay for the tab at the restaurant so that you will feel superior or that people owe you or silently want someone to help you next time. Maybe you continually say to each man you date that you are pregnant so that you will be taken care of or a reincarnation of a pair of underwear looking for a penis and balls to get on then still remain in denial when a man says he does not wear underwear . Maybe to avoid the guilt of being mean and not liked you continually say to yourself that people are anti-social when it comes to attending your monthly events. OR maybe you continually run to the rescue and do the Spider-Man thing because you feel guilty did not help someone. And welcome to my world.
For years wow since a kid I can remember running to the rescue of my classmates, coworkers and/or friends. Ok and sometimes but not always running to the rescue of my family. I remember in Elementary school at Price Elementary when my friend Ruben, Peter and I were class buddies without a second thought I took up for my classmate Ruben who was made fun of because he was from Mexico and darker. I was ready to combat and take on the entire school until Peter looked at me with that “wtf” look. In Junior High I would have gotten smashed like a tortilla by Lydia the big bully who was mean to her Greek boyfriend I had a crush on. In High School I took up for my classmates because my typing teacher Ms. Dye did not like Hispanics and gave them a hard time. My High School autograph book is filled with pages that say “thank you for taking up for me” “thank you for telling off …” . As an adult the same thing with much “thank you”. In college, at work, in social etc etc. My life has always been a continual doing the Spider-Man thing joining forces to combat the target. Austin Texas self appointed itself as the Live Music Capital of the World AND I self appointed myself as the Be Nice Police Chief. GEEZ and all this while being completely sober not on marijuana or drugs or drunk.
Then I met a man whom I respect more than love and I loved him much. Well I kinda sorta met him and he said “I like Nancy but her continual Spider-Man behavior will get her and I killed in my country.” AND my R.F. Russian Family (that is what I call them) said to me “ok so we have a man who likes you but honesty your Spider-Man behavior will not be tolerated in his country AND despite you being knowledgeable, smart and ok the Spider-Man issue never addressed and we can find out why. Then I said, “true my behavior has been that of Spider-Man and I think finding out why is a good idea.”
- You see first the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT had to come. Person has to realize that yes it’s true.
- Then the person has to WANT to find out why behavior and possible change.
- In the end after finding out the why for behavior get to DECIDE if will be doing same thing continually, sometimes or maybe ask to get paid
My first three years of school were in a Private Catholic School. After 3 years of Catholic School my parents divorced and the school was unaffordable for my single parent mom. When I attended Private Catholic School one day my nun teacher told me to go to the Nuns Convent located on the property where all the nuns were because they needed help. When the nun teacher told me to go help at the nuns convent, I was watching the peep show that Joyce and Linda were giving Eddie by pulling up their uniform skirts. Therefore, I took my time getting up and walking over to the nuns convent, I stopped for a snack of celery and radishes from my bag along the way. I walked to the Nuns Convent in my school uniform and despite no longer being able to see what Joyce and Linda were doing I was proud because I was going to help the nuns, the adults. When I got to the door, I knocked and one of the nuns answered. In the background I could see that there was a scared little girl. I was a kid and the little girl looking scared seemed strange but I thought nothing of it when the nun told me everything was ok and they no longer needed help because already had someone to help them. I said ok and went back to my classroom. Later my classmates told me that the little girl had been molested and her mom came to take her out of school. That is when my guilt started and my doing the Spider-Man started. I felt the most guilt because I knew that I had taken my time to get to the nuns convent. I always felt guilty thinking that IF ONLY I had gotten to the nuns convent sooner. However, I’m not sure what would have happened if I had gotten to the nuns convent first instead of taking my time to get to the nuns convent. Yes I was a kid but maybe I could have told the teacher or classmates but the nun that answered the door had assured me everything was ok. Being a kid I took the word of the adult without thinking twice. At the end of the school semester my mom was no longer able to afford the tuition therefore my brother and I started attending Public Schools. About a year later I saw my two classmates Joyce and Linda at Sears, they asked me why I refused to say hi or acknowledge I went to school with them. I was too ashamed to say that I felt bad about not saying anything about the little girl at the nuns convent and that my single parent mom could not afford the school tuition. I think I was angry that none of us kids helped her (the little girl in the nuns convent). I realize we were kids and in those days not much parent kid talk about sharing what see. However, since that day and because of that situation I ran to the rescue of just about anyone and did the Spider-Man thing. It took me six months of intensive counseling to realize this. I apologize to the little girl whoever she is and/or was. However, in those first three years of Private School I was a spoiled brat just a bit selfish and that situation changed my life completely. By doing the Spider-Man thing all my life I became a selfless person, caring and helping people all my life.
In conclusion, I did the three things of ACKNOWLEDGE, WANT to find out why behavior and DECIDE if behavior will change or continue. For MY situation of doing the Spider-Man thing I decided that I will modify my behavior and let go of the microphone. I will still be helping doing the quote “Spider-Man” thing but not continually, just sometimes and I will be asking to get paid. It is all up to each individual if want to change and/or modify behavior. Recently I have made some major changes in my life and MODIFIED my Spider-Man behavior. I am no longer the CONSISTENT hero that comes to the rescue of people or the world because I have found the root cause for my continual ‘Save the World, Be The Helper, Do the Spider-Man thing”. When I was in Elementary School I went to knock on the door of the nuns convent and saw my classmate in the background when the door was opened. To my unknown kid knowledge it did not occur to me to ask her if she was ok, or needed help therefore she was sexually abused. I felt so guilty that from that day on I was the hero for every person and every cause. I have been called one of the best activist by some of the most Respectable Senators etc. I found the root cause for my behavior of “Save the World, Be The Helper, Do the Spider-Man thing” and I apologize to you female whoever and wherever you are but I was a kid in Elementary school and did not know what to do. Therefore since that was the root of my behavior attitude of “Save The World, Be The Helper, Do the Spider-Man thing” AND that issue has been addressed that continual behavior is no longer existent of me. Do I still help causes and people YES but it’s not a continual thing. I’ve learned to say, “ok how can we help each other since you need help with your cause or situation and I need …..” The most important thing to learn from this is that SOMETIMES people will not want you to get to the bottom of a reason for doing something, because you are a good FREE source of valuable help. NO ONE had ever told me about my Spider-Man behavior until the behavior was a factor in a potential romantic relationship. For inquiry minds that want to know, the relationship between the person mentioned in the beginning of my writing did not happen because my Uncle John Rameriz died of cancer. MY relationship did not move forward with ____ man
- not because of not doing well with Behavior Modification
- not because of my Uncle dying
- BUT because of the ATTITUDE of ___ man JUDGING people (he does not do or tolerate drugs etc)
As I was saying, in conclusion. No on had ever mentioned my Spider-Man behavior because it was beneficial to stay quite and enjoy the rewards, the help not only from me but people I allied with and joined forces with, Therefore people stayed silent because FREE help is always better than paid help. My advise is it’s ok to let go of the microphone, let someone else be Spider-Man you are not the only one that can hold that microphone or wear the Spider-Man leotards. Do what is best for you always.
- do what is best for you to get in a better frame of mind get counseling for you not someone else
- do what is best for you to get a good husband for YOU not for someone else
- do what is best for YOU to get a better living place home, condo, duplex, apartment
- do what is best for you to get a better job for YOU
- do what is best for you to get a better car for YOU not for someone else
- do what is best for you to pay YOUR bills not pay someone else bills
- do YOU get the focus here of do what is best FOR YOU not what is best for someone else.
*** picture of my High School autograph book