Life

A family not the same without the mama

Every individual has one mama and one papa regardless if on good terms with mama and papa, regardless not speaking with mama or papa or regardless if unaware who mama or papa is. Everyone has a set of parents yet WHY is the death of the mama have more impact on a family? The answer is because the mama is the nurturing, the caring person, the one that looks out for the kiddies because these were in her belly for 9 months. Emotional preparations can be made before the death of a mama, Advise can be given to kids about after her death. However, in the end when a mama is taken out of the picture life definitely is not the same.

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THEN one day my mother died January 29, 2019 that is 01.29.2019. Despite the fact that we accept that all life has a start date and an end date when a loved one dies it is still a time when we wish we had more days with the person. When a loved one dies it is always too soon.

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My mom had been diagnosed with cancer years before she died. I am thankful that I had my mom for more years.  I am thankful that we got to spend our holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas the way my mom wanted us to spend them, together as a family.  Before my mother died I went home to spend some days to be with my mom. I can honestly tell you that was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It is difficult to see someone that you care about dying and you want to help and you feel helpless. You are willing to take energies from the bad sibling to give to mama and then mama says “Nancy behave”. My mom was losing circulation to her legs and feet so I massaged the feet of my mom.

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People react differently to the death of a loved one. When someone is gone when one piece if taken out of a completed puzzle that is when we really know and see what pieces are left. Imagine a puzzle completed then you take out one piece from the puzzle. After you take out one piece of the puzzle you can see the end shapes of the other pieces of the puzzle. To translate this, that is when we have a person die then we can see how the other people are. We have all in our lifetime had at least one person that we can honestly say “you know I never liked you but I respected and cared about mama or papa and that is why I tolerated you or talked to you”. IF we are honest with ourselves we say, yes I have had at least one person in my life that I thought only tolerated because of someone alive I cared and respected.

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We have all heard the saying, “you never know what you have till it is gone”.  I can definitely attest to that because I never knew that my mom was the glue that kept our family together. My mom was the superglue that would keep us all together.  When I think of superglue I think of the glue that we use to put a broken cup or a broken saucer back together. Then think “wow that glue put that broken cup or broken saucer back together”.  What happens when the superglue runs out?  Well, when it is superglue we can go to the store and replace the item.  However, when the superglue is a person we are out of luck.

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When my mother died January 29, 2019 honestly our “family” fell apart not to the point of killing each other but the glue was gone. It is amazing how we hear about and we read about how families fall apart when mama or papa die.  We typically think “oh not in my family” then boom it happens. You are not alone when you are left thinking “oh wow, I thought this was only something we read about or see in the news or happens to the next door neighbors”.

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In conclusion, we all want to have that special relative that we NEVER want to die and will be with us forever. However, all life has a start date and an end date and that stinks. Do not see this as a downer of “oh no my ___ is dead now what am I going to do”? IF your family falls apart with the death of a loved one remember, yes it will be difficult but life goes on. Think of this is an opportunity to MEET new people and make NEW friendships. Just remember use your common sense and do not be used. You got some money? GREAT do not spend that money rather put in a bank then get a secured loan where you make monthly payments and still have your money. Get a secured credit card which is putting your money in the bank then getting a visa or mastercard with your money and make monthly payments. Travel, to a place you read about, desired to visit or seen pictures of. Make new friends. However, regardless what you do keep both feet planted on the ground. Not everyone is going to like you and in the real world some people will lie to you and try to use you or scam you and yes it could be own family, friends, lovers, co-workers or a stranger in the street. Let me say that doing the secured loan and secured credit card is not ONLY for people that have or had a loved one die, this applies to anyone with some extra money.When a loved one dies we are thankful we had that person in our life. When a loved one dies a piece of the puzzle is gone despite missing the person life goes on.

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